Are You Chasing the Wrong Goal?
Learn How to Identify and Achieve Your True Desires in Three Simple Steps
Today, I’m going to share how and why it’s important to deeply know what your definition of success is and the cost of not knowing. I’ll take you through a 3-step process in which you can start taking steps toward your true desires in life with less internal friction.
If you want to live a fulfilling life with no regrets at the end of it - this is important for you.
The problem is that most people are unconsciously chasing a definition of success that isn’t true to them. Having then achieved what they thought they wanted, they come to the stark realisation that the inner void still remains.
We’ve heard so many stories of people, including celebrities who have achieved fame and riches to then end up depressed and unfulfilled.
The consequences of following some definition that isn’t one you’ve deeply reflected on and consciously created is that you’ll go through your whole life not having really lived true to yourself. Filled with regret, shame, and guilt in your later years.
I chased a career I thought would make me deeply happy and successful to then feel empty when I got there. In recent years, I’ve found myself chasing coaching clients and business success to feel the same. What I deeply wanted was something different.
True freedom lies in knowing what success is for you and sticking to that path in the midst of others trying to pull you in a different direction.
“Success without fulfilment is the ultimate failure.” - Tony Robbins
1. Be radically honest about what you want
Most people are chasing something they think they want. Or think they should have. Many times this has come from society, parents, friendship groups, social groups etc. Our culture plays a huge role in programming our mind to chase for things we should have to then feel validated, worthy, and whole.
Very rarely do many of us sit down and actually reflect on what true success is for us. Why? Because it’s scary!!
To potentially face the harsh reality of looking back and being honest about how we’ve “wasted” our time and energy on the “wrong” path is daunting.
If this continues, we’re digging ourselves our own grave.
What’s the solution?
Start by getting clear on what you really want. Sometimes this requires uncovering layers of beliefs.
How?
The best way is working with someone who’s experienced in this to uncover your blind spots. My clients share with me how they’ve come to profound realisations from our work together.
It’s deep work. It’s not easy. But it’s liberating and freeing.
If you want to make a start yourself, one thing you can do is consistently journal and reflect on the question “What do I want?”
Ask yourself this daily. Go deeper and deeper with it.
I saw a clip of Naval Ravikant on Instagram this week where he was talking to an audience and said “The only true intelligence is to get what you want out of life.”
You can watch the clip here after reading this email.
2: Escape the noise
Many of us are living and walking around in this world like iPhone heads. We’re not really being who we really are. We’re just being a reflection of what we see around us.
If this continued how would things end up?
Your book won’t be written. Your voice will not be authentic. You’ll just end up living like everyone else when you have a deep calling within you to create your art, lead your business, and share your message.
You’re not here to follow the crowd. You're here to lead your mission.
We live in a noisy world. Everyone wants your attention. It’s your job to protect and balance the ratio of how much your attention goes externally vs internally.
Your true definition of success, clarity on your next step, solutions to real life decisions isn’t going to come from listening to more podcasts, reading more books, or scrolling through LinkedIn.
It comes from within. It comes from tuning into your intuition. It comes from introspection.
Solution?
Start spending more time daily in reflection with 0 external inputs. A life of deliberate creation requires you to control where your attention is going.
The more attention you give inwards, the greater what is within you will be expressed through you.
3: Write out your definition of success and remind yourself of it daily
Getting clear on your definition of success from a journaling exercise you did whilst you were on the beach in Cabo isn’t enough. That journal page comes home and is long gone sitting on your shelf whilst you're back in the grind of the home and work routine.
If it stays on your shelf, you end up even worse. Now, not only are you aware you’re not living true to your definition of success, you’re also sucked back into the grind with what feels like no control over your life direction.
Solution?
Get an A4 piece of paper
Write out your definition of success
Stick it up on the wall where you work daily
Read it daily
Here’s something I also came across this week from Brianna Wiest that really speaks to what we’re discussing today, particularly these words:
“Your willingness to fail is proportionate to your potential to gain…all you will regret is not reaching harder for the things you actually wanted.”
To get what you want in life, you’re going to have to face your fears, fail, risk being judged and called crazy. But in the end, it’s never between you and them. It’s between you and you or you and the higher energy you believe in.
In the end, this is all that matters: are going for what you deeply want?
Anything other than this will empty.
Reflection
What do you really want?
What’s one step can you take right now toward it?
Our next 60 Minute Workshop:
Our next workshop is on Wednesday 19th June 7:30-8:30pm BST. Put it in your calendar!
Want to be surrounded by other growth minded leaders and be in a powerful space of transformation? Join us.
Topic to be revealed in next week’s email
1:1 Coaching
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Speaking
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