Really enjoyed this - fully agree with radical acceptance as the first and most important step in these situations. And really enjoyed the notion that an "unwanted" experience is an important data point.
Great work!
I have a deeper question. What are the underlying desires that drive "unwantedness" of bad situations, and what do they reflect of the person who is having these feelings?
Glad it resonated bro and I love this question. Here is my take on it (hope I’ve understood your question):
The underlying desires you highlight is like an internal thermostat. Subconsciously, we seek what we are most used to. We all have a level of baseline happiness, for example, that we come back to regardless of external situations.
Psychologist Gay Hendricks termed this the Upper Limit Problem (UPL).
This thermostat gets set early in our lives at a time we couldn’t think for ourselves. It remains in our subconscious. Unless we solve our UPL, we keep on finding ways to bring ourselves back down when we’ve blown past our old setting.
Brianna Weist, in her book The Mountain Is You, shares a nice summary of this “we are programmed to seek what we’ve known. Even though we think we’re after happiness, we’re actually trying to find what we’re most used to.”
It’s the habitual self taking over the higher self.
When we become aware of it, it’s like an awakening from within. We notice we are desiring feeling unwell, or hoping the date doesn’t show up, or hoping the money doesn’t come in, because it keeps us small, the same, with no change beyond the thermostat.
Very interesting - I never thought of it in relation to the thermostat analogy - I am somewhat familiar with Hendricks' work it is very interesting.
And the Mountain is You is a great book!
Thanks for clarifying... I suppose the real thing to do in these situations is rid oneself of the limiting notion of a thermostat blocking their true state and driving their dissatisfaction
Fair point. Only life experience is the real teacher. I find that the power is in ‘seeing’ the thermostat. When I notice myself not allowing myself to just enjoy the moment and be in my joy, I see the thermostat. And then relax, release and allow myself to feel the miracle of life that is
Really enjoyed this - fully agree with radical acceptance as the first and most important step in these situations. And really enjoyed the notion that an "unwanted" experience is an important data point.
Great work!
I have a deeper question. What are the underlying desires that drive "unwantedness" of bad situations, and what do they reflect of the person who is having these feelings?
Glad it resonated bro and I love this question. Here is my take on it (hope I’ve understood your question):
The underlying desires you highlight is like an internal thermostat. Subconsciously, we seek what we are most used to. We all have a level of baseline happiness, for example, that we come back to regardless of external situations.
Psychologist Gay Hendricks termed this the Upper Limit Problem (UPL).
This thermostat gets set early in our lives at a time we couldn’t think for ourselves. It remains in our subconscious. Unless we solve our UPL, we keep on finding ways to bring ourselves back down when we’ve blown past our old setting.
Brianna Weist, in her book The Mountain Is You, shares a nice summary of this “we are programmed to seek what we’ve known. Even though we think we’re after happiness, we’re actually trying to find what we’re most used to.”
It’s the habitual self taking over the higher self.
When we become aware of it, it’s like an awakening from within. We notice we are desiring feeling unwell, or hoping the date doesn’t show up, or hoping the money doesn’t come in, because it keeps us small, the same, with no change beyond the thermostat.
That make any sense?
Very interesting - I never thought of it in relation to the thermostat analogy - I am somewhat familiar with Hendricks' work it is very interesting.
And the Mountain is You is a great book!
Thanks for clarifying... I suppose the real thing to do in these situations is rid oneself of the limiting notion of a thermostat blocking their true state and driving their dissatisfaction
Fair point. Only life experience is the real teacher. I find that the power is in ‘seeing’ the thermostat. When I notice myself not allowing myself to just enjoy the moment and be in my joy, I see the thermostat. And then relax, release and allow myself to feel the miracle of life that is
Indeed - life is the greatest spiritual practise