"What Do I Do When Things Don't Go My Way?" Here Are 5 Steps:

Turn Resistance into Results with This 5-Step Process to Navigate the Unexpected

Have you ever been caught off guard by a situation that didn’t go the way you wanted it to? Maybe you’d planned everything meticulously, only for an unexpected twist to throw it all off course.

It’s frustrating, isn’t it?

You had an expectation—a vision of how things should unfold—and reality came along with a completely different plan. The initial reaction? Anxiety, annoyance, maybe even anger.

I’ve been there. This week, I had a curveball in my life that meant additional work, needing it completed in a much shorter timeframe than expected. This not only threw off my carefully planned work schedule but also disrupted my personal plans. My immediate thoughts were, Why did this happen? How will I get it all done?

But here’s what I’ve learned: situations like this are an inevitable part of life. They’re also opportunities to grow.

What separates those who crumble from those who thrive is how they choose to respond.

Today, I want to share with you a 5-step process that’s helped me navigate these moments. Think of it as your guide for turning unwanted situations into a springboard for clarity, growth, and progress.

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Step 1: Radical Acceptance

The first step is to face reality head-on. As Tara Brach teaches, radical acceptance is the practice of fully acknowledging what is without resistance.

Why? Because the more we fight reality, the more we suffer.

When the urgent request came in this week, my first instinct was frustration. My mind started spinning with all the reasons why this wasn’t fair or how it was going to ruin my plans. But I quickly realised that resisting the situation wasn’t going to change it.

Imagine you’re caught in traffic. The traffic itself is neutral—it just is. It’s your thinking about the traffic (Why is this happening? I’m going to be late.) that creates frustration.

The same is true here. I had to take a step back and accept what was in front of me: a new request was the new reality. Fighting it would only drain my energy and make it harder to take the next step.

Acceptance doesn’t mean you agree with what’s happened. It simply means you’re no longer fighting it. And that shift alone creates space for peace.

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Step 2: Become Aware of Your Thinking

Once you’ve accepted the situation, the next step is to let go of your thinking about it.

Here’s the thing: what’s happened is neutral. It’s your mind that creates meaning, judgments, and stories around it.

For example, when the urgent request came in, my initial thoughts were, This is unfair. I’ll have to sacrifice everything. They don’t respect my boundaries. But I paused and reminded myself that these were just thoughts—stories my mind was creating.

As philosopher Sidney Banks said, “If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their own experience, that alone would change the world.”

When you understand that you’re experiencing your own thinking—not facts—you can begin to let them go. I realised that my frustration wasn’t coming from the external request but from my thinking about it. Once I began to see the narrative in my mind for what it is - thinking, I felt calmer and more grounded.

You’re not experiencing the situation itself—you’re experiencing your thinking about the situation. Simply becoming aware of this gives you the power to let it go.

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Step 3: Move From Unwanted to Wanted

Now that you’ve created space, it’s time to use the contrast of what’s happened to clarify what you really want.

In my case, the request highlighted what I didn’t want: to feel rushed, overwhelmed, or unbalanced. But it also helped me clarify what I did want: a clear plan, structured priorities, and enough space to maintain my personal commitments.

Every unwanted experience is a data point. It’s feedback that helps you identify your true desires. The request, while inconvenient, helped me recognise the importance of clear communication and setting expectations early on.

Ask yourself: What do I want? Shifting your attention from what you don’t want to what you do want is a powerful move. It redirects your energy toward possibility and helps you start building momentum in the right direction.

You get more of what you focus on. So shift your focus on what you do want.

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Step 4: Connect With How You Want to Feel

This step is about going deeper. Beyond the external outcome, ask yourself: How do I want to feel?

Abraham Hicks beautifully puts it: “We want what we want because we believe we will feel better in the having of it.”

For me, it wasn’t just about completing the request—it was about feeling in control, aligned, and accomplished. When I connected with that feeling, I realised I didn’t need to wait for the task to be finished to feel good. I could start embodying that energy now by breaking the task into manageable pieces and tackling it with clarity and confidence.

When you connect with how you want to feel, you start embodying that energy now. You shift from waiting for an outcome to creating the feeling in the present moment.

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Step 5: Take Aligned Action

Finally, from this place of alignment, take one small, practical step forward.

Action cures anxiety. But it’s not about taking any action—it’s about taking aligned action that feels right based on the clarity you’ve gained.

For me, that meant pausing to prioritise the request alongside my existing commitments. I set realistic boundaries for what could be delivered and when. I also blocked time in my schedule to focus on the task while leaving space for my personal plans. This one step helped me move from overwhelm to empowerment.

What’s your next aligned action? Maybe it’s having a conversation to set expectations, delegating part of the workload, or simply starting with the first step of the task. Whatever it is, let it come from a place of clarity and alignment.

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Final Thoughts

Life doesn’t always go as planned. But when you face unexpected challenges with acceptance, awareness, and aligned action, you turn obstacles into opportunities.

Anger, annoyance, or resistance—these aren’t enemies. They’re signals. They’re invitations to pause, reflect, and realign.

So, the next time you face something you didn’t want to happen, remember these five steps:

1. Accept reality for what it is.

2. Become aware of your thinking.

3. Shift your focus from unwanted to wanted.

4. Connect with the feeling you want to create.

5. Take one small, aligned action.

Reflection Question: What’s one situation in your life right now that you didn’t want to happen? How can you apply these steps to approach it differently this week?

Your growth lies not in avoiding challenges but in how you choose to rise through them.

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